Many parents swore they would limit their children's screen time. Then came the pandemic.

Born and raised on Oahu, Catherine Toth Fox is an editor, writer, children’s book author, blogger and former journalism instructor. She is currently the editor of HONOLULU Family and lives in Honolulu with her husband, son and two dogs. You can follow her on Instagram @catherinetothfox. Opinions are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect Civil Beat's views.

Being a parent isn’t just difficult — or all-consuming or expensive or frustrating — it’s also confusing.

When do I switch to a booster seat in the car? Are pull-ups OK at night? Should I be concerned that my kid just touched the bottom of his slipper and licked his fingers?

There are no clear-cut answers here.

But I was sure there was one thing I felt parents were in agreement over — well, until the pandemic.

We know a lot of it isn’t good for kids — or adults — and parents, especially first-time ones like me, have very idealistic goals when it comes to screens and their kids. Less is best is the general guideline.

The World Health Organization issued a set of guidelines stating infants under 1 year of age should not be exposed to electronic screens and those between the ages of 2 and 4 shouldn’t have more than one hour of “sedentary screen time” each day.

That was in 2019. Before Covid-19 disrupted the world, forcing schools to shut down and parents, many of whom now worked from home, to figure out how to juggle at-home schooling while clinging to jobs we were all just grateful to still have. Schools — even some preschools and enrichment programs — went online. So did our jobs. Remember trying to figure out how to leave a Zoom meeting? And when our kids weren’t occupied by virtual lessons, we still had to work. So guess who watched our kids? Mr. iPad.

A survey published by the nonprofit research organization Common Sense Media found that screen time among teens and tweens (kids between 8 and 12) increased 17% from pre-pandemic 2019 to 2021. On average, among tweens, daily screen use went up to five hours and 33 minutes from four hours and 44 minutes; teens averaged eight hours and 39 minutes a day in 2021, up from seven hours and 22 minutes in 2019.

Eight-year-olds watching five hours of “LEGO Marvel Super Heroes,” playing Roblox and watching BTS videos on YouTube a day?

Yeah, that sounds about right.

I’m not proud to admit this, but my son, who’s 5, already knows his way around the iPad. He can even unlock the locked screen — my mom can’t do that — and find his favorite apps, which include Netflix, Disney+, PBS Kids and YouTube. He knows how to skip the intros to some of his favorite shows, he can scroll through a menu of episodes to find the ones he’s looking for, he can even scrub through videos to find exactly the spot he wants to watch.

Did I mention he’s 5?

I’d like to blame the pandemic — and, for sure, it contributed to the alarming spike in screen time for kids everywhere — but it’s not entirely Covid’s fault.

Let’s go back: I was pregnant in 2016, when we were concerned about Zika, the Flint water crisis, Russian hacking and a very polarizing presidential election. I was writing in a pregnancy journal, researching names for my son and stocking up on what I thought were essentials on Amazon. (What baby wouldn’t want a diaper wipe warmer with a built-in changing light?) Like many first-time moms, I had this fairy-tale notion I would never need any kind of electronic device to entertain my child.

And for the first few months, that was true. The most tech-y thing I exposed him to was a baby music channel on Pandora.

When he was nearly 3, he started going to preschool, where he met kids who knew about things like Paw Patrol and Blippi. He started asking questions.

In a few months, Covid-19 had arrived and changed everything. On March 25, 2020, the state issued a stay-at-home order that forced the closure of educational institutions — like preschools — across the Islands. And unless you were an essential worker, and still had a job, you were now required to work from home.

Then it began: My husband and I sitting in separate rooms on our laptops, our son in the living room on an iPad.

Though I would commit part of the day to working with my son on writing the alphabet, learning math, crafting cards for his grandparents and scootering around our cul-de-sac, I had to work, too. And if I had a two-hour virtual meeting, he would sit nearby, watching episodes of “PJ Mask” and “Number Blocks” until those theme songs were burned into my brain.

I talked about this with my mom friends a lot. Like, how did this happen? We had spent so much time worrying about screen time, regulating devices down to the minute, mom-shaming the ones we saw at restaurants and on airplanes plunking a Kindle or smartphone in front of their kids for hours.

And here we were, the very same moms, easily and without much argument, handing over our own iPhones so we could get some work done, a load of laundry washed, dinner cooked, maybe just 10 minutes with no one asking us a string of unanswerable questions.

It doesn’t help that tech literacy is a thing, and kids are learning how to code and type on computers from an early age, sometimes in kindergarten.

Am I worried about my son’s increased screen time? Yes. I realize the effect it can have on attention span, empathy and vision. But how can I control it now, when even his interviews for kindergarten required the ability to navigate a tablet and mute himself on Webex? (We know adults who still haven’t mastered that, two years into the pandemic.)

The Pew Research Center reported in 2020 that 71% of parents with young children — like me, with kids under 12 — are at least somewhat concerned about the effects of screen time on their children and believe the widespread use of smartphones may be more harmful than beneficial. And that study was done before the pandemic.

It doesn’t help that tech literacy is a thing, and kids are learning how to code and type on computers from an early age, sometimes in kindergarten. (Some private schools issue tablets to students on the first day of school.) Kids are expected to navigate today’s digital world, where screens are everywhere. Some restaurants hand you an iPad instead of a menu. Newspapers and magazines are all online. And then there’s social media, which, in conjunction with screen time, surged during the pandemic. Platforms like Instagram and TikTok became sources of entertainment and ways to connect with friends for stuck-at-home kids.

So what are parents supposed to do?

For starters, we shouldn’t beat ourselves up. My own daily average screen time is four hours and 26 minutes, according to my iPhone. We know when too much feels like too much. Take a breath, go on a walk — and take your kid, not your phone, with you.

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Born and raised on Oahu, Catherine Toth Fox is an editor, writer, children’s book author, blogger and former journalism instructor. She is currently the editor of HONOLULU Family and lives in Honolulu with her husband, son and two dogs. You can follow her on Instagram @catherinetothfox. Opinions are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect Civil Beat's views.

When they hit the weight or height limit of their carseat - such limits are printed on the seat and in the manual. Only if you want to keep using them. My 3-year-old only learned how to not wet the bed when we took the pull-ups away - something we should have done much earlier. No. Otherwise you'd never stop worrying. For starters, you should lead by example and limit your own screen time, especially in front of them. When my keiki is coloring, I try to (emphasize on the try) put my phone down and join her. Same for swim lessons or at the playground.

I don't think you should worry too much. As you intimated, the ability to use technology is now intrinsic to our society. I loved that your child was tested on his ability to use a tablet to get into kindergarten. I think that the families that are not allowing their kids to use any kind of tablet, smartphone, or computer are doing their kids a disservice. Though there may be many social problems that come out of the pandemic, I'll bet enhanced understanding of technology will turn out to be a silver lining.

How’s this: I’m visiting with my daughter and her two daughters while her husband is away for work and the 21 month old calls her dad on MY iPhone 7. Unlike my spouse and most of my friends I don’t keep apps open and no, her dad wasn’t listed as a favorite or recent caller. Your answer might be Siri, but she can’t say her dad’s name, JeQuan. BTW she was in another room from us and her older sister was at school. I’m stumped.

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