HOLLAND — As a teenager growing up in Holland in the 1970s, Doug Carlson struggled with accepting himself and allowing others to see who he was. 

Shortly after high school, his bottled up emotions left him contemplating suicide. Instead, he moved to California to start fresh, began accepting himself and began to lead a successful life.

Next month, Carlson will return to the Holland area with his fiancé Michael Blomsterberg to get married, hoping to set an example for LGBTQ+ youth, or anyone else who feels they don’t belong, that they can be loved, accepted and celebrated for who they are. 

Carlson is a general contractor, operating Points West Construction and Blomsterberg is a life coach. They met through Match.com last September and Carlson proposed in Puerto Rico on New Year’s Eve. 

The wedding will be in September at the Maplewood Inn in Saugatuck. It will have a “There’s no place like home” theme, with each of the groomsmen wearing ruby red slippers. 

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Coming back to the Holland area for the wedding serves a pair of purposes, Carlson said. One is a bit of a healing process for him. The other is to show members of the community who may struggle with who they are that they can be successful and accepted by their community. 

“It’s a healing mechanism for myself to know that my friends from high school fully accept me as a gay man and want to stand for me taking my vows with my new husband,” he said. “But also, for the kids and families who are living there… it’s an opportunity to put faces on (gay) people who are successful. It’s an opportunity for kids who are there in the community to say ‘Wow, I can be OK, too.’ 

“And not just if they’re LGBTQ. It can be a whole host of things that they may say ‘I don’t feel normal or accepted.’ You can absolutely create a life that’s important for you. To be able to grow up and be proud of who you are, but let us know who you are so we can celebrate that with you.” 

Carlson spent most of his youth in Holland, save a few years living in California. He graduated from Holland High School where he participated with the swim team. As a high-schooler in 1975, Carlson was part of a trio of male Dutch dancers during Tulip Time — a first for the festival. 

However, Carlson did not feel able to express his full self during those years. He recalls hearing  a church sermon in 1968 that had a particular prolonged effect on the way he viewed himself. The message he herald was “Homosexuals are condemned to eternal Hell Fire for their unforgiveable sin.” 

“I felt very condemned by that message,” Carlson said. “At that time, there wasn’t any safe place to discuss what I was feeling. There were no public images of anyone who was gay, that was healthy.”

As a response, Carlson kept his emotions in and avoided getting close to people. By the time he finished high school, he had developed an ulcer and was in “a very dark place.” 

“My sense was if anyone knew that part of my life, I would be ostracized,” he said. “When I was 19, I knew that I was either going to commit suicide or I needed to leave. Somehow I had to deal with this part of my life that I just couldn’t hide anymore. That’s when I moved to Los Angeles.” 

When he was 21, Carlson flew back to Michigan to have dinner with his mother and tell her about his sexuality. Carlson said she was supportive and understanding, saying “she just wanted me to be happy.” 

Over the next several years, more and more family members became aware. Carlson spoke of a later interaction with his grandmother when she was out on a visit to California. After she made a comment about “those gays,” an aunt of Carlson’s said “What if one of ‘those gays’ was your grandson?” 

“All of a sudden understanding that it wasn’t just those people out there, but actually her grandson,” Carlson said. “That brings a whole different perspective. That’s also part of the reason I want to go back and do this.

“To put a face on someone who is gay is much different than just talking about ‘those people.’ It’s somebody you grew up with, who grew up in this town. I’m not just ‘one of them,’ I’m somebody who grew up there and just wants to be equal like everybody else.” 

Over time, Carlson has grown to see his differences are a strength and something to celebrate. He hopes his wedding and story can bring that feeling to others.

“I really want to celebrate all of our differences,” he said. “Isn’t that what makes life wonderful and adventurous and unique? 

“Regardless if somebody is feeling different, for any reason, I hope that those differences are things that get to be celebrated, not diminished.”

— Contact reporter Mitchell Boatman at mboatman@hollandsentinel.com. Follow him on Twitter @SentinelMitch.