It’s September, which means a lot of things. Football is back; the kiddos are back in school, after collectively regressing more than a decade in learning progress; and the cultural elite, chronically skinny, and unironically opulent are now bopping around at New York Fashion Week.

New York’s annual see-and-be-seen week is back, and the country’s most famous, fabulous, and feckless are in town to party. Oh, and to sit front row at some fashion shows while zoning out, wondering how they’re going to butter up their connect to the Miu Miu show so they can feast on the roughly seventh trend revival of ballet flats. That’s what Fashion Week is all about: setting the trends for the upcoming season and flaunting quid pro quo relationships with designers like Christian Siriano and Telfar Clemens.

Who can wear the most resplendent ensembles? Who can be seen at the most exclusive fetes? Who can make a sport out of attending the most events in one night? Oh, and darling, don’t bother bringing your eyebrows; unless they’re iridescent, visible eyebrows are faux pas this year.

Get ready for an onslaught of images of people shockingly more privileged and hotter than you. In the name of fashion, of course.

Pictured here is very famous model Bella Hadid (and apparently car mechanic who refuses to get her hands dirty) walking Fendi’s runway show, and also a tiny little Fendi baguette necklace. It’s so small and so distracting that I almost didn’t notice these horrifying hybrid moccasin-slippers.

Kardashian sister #1 was spotted front row and, here, outside the Fendi runway show. She’s certainly someone’s knight in shining armor in this chainmail disco moment, just not mine!

The emo duo could pass as conspiracy theorists’ hottest new cult leaders at the Tommy Hilfiger Fall 22 NYFW Experience. Travis also appears ready to hibernate for the winter. Last step? Must stuff cheeks full of walnuts.

Our third Kardashian sister walked the runway during the Proenza Schouler Ready to Wear Spring/Summer 2023 show, and was spotted all over town, including cozying up to boyfriend Devin Booker at the U.S. Open this weekend. This dress is fine. It’s like a flapper decided to go to Coachella, but stopped at Limited Too first to pick up some day-of-the-week low-rise undies.

In this ensemble, model Lori Harvey blew everyone else at the Fendi show away like little dandelions. Silly celebrities! If Lori can pull off early aughts straightened side bangs, what can’t she do?

Annnnd she’s is back on the runway, at Tommy Factory New York Fall 2022. Putting aside her semi-ironic mom-fluencer shtick for a moment, sis looks like she’s on her way to financially dominate some Wall Street bros.

The Euphoria star arrived at the Fendi show looking like a watercolor dream! A pink cotton candy vision! A ballerina bundled in chiffon! Approved.

Not sure how, but model Duckie Thot is making those Ironman gloves hot as she walks the runway at the Tommy Factory show. Or is it Michelin man forearms? Either way, this combination of elements (high school sweat pants? turtleneck? argyle vest?) should by all means look heinous together, but Duckie, gloves or not, is a superhero for making it work.

Here’s model and host Karlie with her little Fendi Baguette bag outside the Fendi show (yes, that’s Instagram’s fashion chief, Eva Chen, to the right). I want you to know that I just stuck my tongue out and made a little fart noise. This look is so boring!!!

Actor Laura Harrier was spotted outside the Khaite show, looking like a proper fuckboy. This moto-jacket moment makes me feel like she’s about to pick up her phone and text me “u up?” For the record, I would absolutely answer.

Ok, I’m sorry, this isn’t an outfit, it’s just a photo in which I imagine the Sex and the City star to be saying, “Hehehehehe!” Evil little wench, I see you!

Baby Apatow has ARRIVED, and no, I don’t just mean to the Fendi show.

Simply drooling over this, that’s all.

The actor was spotted in an Ulla Johnson dress outside the Ulla Johnson show. I’m curious, however, if her family back home on the prairie misses her?

Doja Cat was spotted front row at the Bronx & Banco fashion show on Friday, looking like a sultry alien bullfighter with a splash of Avatar the Last Airbender. She really can do no wrong.

The presence of Janet Jackson alone is scintillating enough, but this all-black moment is so understated, yet iconic, that it’s giving me DEATH. The singer was photographed outside of Christian Siriano’s Spring/Summer 2023 Show at the Elizabeth Collective on Wednesday night.

No notes. If Sherlock Holmes was a dominatrix She-lock Holmes, this is what she’d wear. This jacket also looks as if an unexpected raindrop would slide right off it. Or a wine spillage, though I don’t think someone like Ciara ever spills wine.

The My Body author has conveniently covered up her body in this Hillary Clinton-esque ensemble at a New York Fashion Week reception hosted by both Mayor Eric Adams (?) and Vogue on Thursday. This sleek white dress with high slits reads to me as: “Look at my body, imagine my body, but don’t think about my body, because you’re reducing me to an object and are obviously serving the patriarchy .”

Oh, Julia. I can’t decide if this is Star Trek-inspired, an homage to Elvira, or simply just a dress designed to draw attention to her new paid partnership with Xeomin (the same one that partnered with Joe Jonas, the Bro-tox advocate !). The bowl bangs are also certainly...a choice.

Angus looks more like he snuck into this event and thinks it’s really fucking sick he convinced the PR reps to let him walk the carpet. Obsessed with him showing off this pinky ring.

You heard it here probably last: Lime green is IN. Puffer jackets: IN. Martian prom dresses: ALSO IN.

It’s the Botox Bro—I mean, a Jonas Brother, looking young and wrinkle-free as ever!!!!

From left to right, we’ve got model Jasmine Tookes, designer Dumebi Andrea, influencer Serena Kerrigan, and influencer Marianna Hewitt in the same dress. AT THE SAME EVENT (which is admittedly a Revolve collaboration, so they’re all wearing a dress from the brand, BUT STILL). Absolutely geeking about all four of these mocha frappuccinos.

Honestly, the blurred checkered pattern is giving me a bit of a seizure. But Ziwe asked Caroline Calloway if she had any Black friends once, so in my eyes, the comedian and HBO Max host will never truly fail at anything. Love the loafers.

The singer and Disney Channel actor appears to be testing out her sewing skills. Looks like she tore up a few pillows from the couch and stitched them into her mom’s ‘70s flare jeans. A Canadian tuxedo, except not a very good one, sorry not sorry.

At the Christian Siriano show, the Clueless icon reminds me of a chic clown in mourning. But the proud rocking of the grey roots truly, beautifully makes up for it all.

You know what? I love this tailored shirt-dress moment for Nicky. Pictured at the Monse fashion show at Battery Bosque, she looks exactly what you think the heiress of one of America’s richest family fortunes should look like: expensive, but basic.

You already know that Jezebel Dot Com loves men in skirts . I know the Queer Eye star bats for the other team, but I am intensely attracted to him in this, I’m so sorry.

The Senegalese model had the best look of the entire Revolve carpet. On top of looking objectively gorgeous, I don’t know if she’s going to Lindsay Lohan’s beach club in Mykonos or a space cowboy party. So much mystery, so much intrigue!

The supermodel is also buying into the Spicy Sherlock Holmes trend, although this take on it is a little more Gen Z Gothic. You know, the kind that shows up to a job interview and says, “I just want you to know that I am really precious about my priorities, and work is not one of them.”

I am so inexplicably bored by this Wife of a Golfer ensemble. Also are skinny jeans back, or did she just trigger me for no reason at all?